Mama blues

I'm having such a terrible day and I feel as though I have no outlet... hence the reason for this blog. I thought I would be using it much more but alas the life of a mom has gotten to be too busy for me to write as often as I would like to.

I know I need this blog though.

Just as much as it needs me.

I need an outlet.

Who is not my husband.

Or my best friends.

Or my mom friends (who seems to have it all put together, but do they really?!)

Or my mom ... HA.

Because none of the above deserve to hear my negativity! 


I must admit, yesterday was a fabulous day. Mainly because we left the house and was gone most of the day. These are the days that fly by. But the days we are stuck inside ALL DAY drag on and on and on. I literally go nuts. It is so hard to get out though when the weather has been so cold. (-35 degree days and that's Celsius for you American folk)

I know our days would be better if our nights could get better too. Last night was a typical wake up 3 times-kind of night. So by morning (6am) I was ready for another nap. I fed CJ, he played for an hour and then luckily fell back asleep until 8:30am. Now most of you would think that this would be amazing but by 10:30 when he should be going down for his regular nap, he was wide awake. So we played, and played, and fussed, and played, and fussed, and read a book, and ate some more, and snacked some more until finally he went down for a nap around noon.

Alas, now I finally had time to get my morning pump session in. Yes, I am an exclusive pumper (for reasons that will be mentioned in another post, stay tuned) and I am still pumping. I took a peak at my pumping stats this morning and I have spent 9 FULL DAYS attached to my pump. That's roughly 210 hours. So much time attached to a machine who is not my baby. I don't think other moms who are able to breastfeed successfully truly understand the time and dedication that goes into being an exclusive pumper.

Baby CJ just woke up ... and you know what. His smile is what makes it all worth it. His little giggle is what is getting me through the day. It doesn't matter if the house is clean, bottles are washed/sterilized, the dog has been walked, supper is  made, papers are filed/organized... because you know what. I have a happy, healthy baby boy. I am beyond lucky.

xo